I had a choice to make

10 steps. That's how many steps it was from one floor to the next.

10.

It's a trip that I should be able to make with ease. But, I wasn't able to. I got to the top of the steps and had to sit and rest. As I sat there, struggling to catch my breath, I felt tears fill my eyes...

When did I become this person? When did I let my health decline to the point it is right now? 

I can't pinpoint a specific event that led to me simply not caring. Instead it was a series of events.

Job loss.

Divorce.

Health Issues.

I think the divorce hit me the hardest. Suddenly, I found myself isolated. People that I once thought were friends had become part of the vicious rumor mill in town. I had no one to turn to. No one I could call. So, I turned back to food. The one thing that I knew wouldn't judge me.

Food doesn't accuse me of doing drugs (I don't...why would I jepordize my nursing career?)

Food doesn't accuse me of being the town whore (again..nope)

Food doesn't tell me I am a horrible mom, Christian, person.

Food is there for me at 2am when the tears become too much. 

Food accepts me.

Food became my crutch to get through some of the darkest times I have ever found myself in. (And I've been in some horrible storms in my life). 

As I sat on the bed, trying to catch my breath, I realized that I had a choice to make. I had to choose whether to love myself enough to say "I deserve better than what I am giving myself" or to choose to allow what other people said, thought, and did control my life. I had to choose....

Me or Them.

Today, I chose me. I chose to be bigger than my emotions. I chose to turn a blind eye and a deaf ear towards those who don't love me. I chose happiness.

Today I had to make a choice.

If you had to choose...what would your choice be?

Choose to love yourself enough to rise above the noise.

You're worth it.

I'm worth it.